Currently I am 10,000+ feet in the air, elbows at my sides – replicating a pushup position, but while sitting. Am I doing bicep curls? No. The gentleman in front of me so kindly reclined his seat so far back I could probably cut his hair. Or shave it. (If only I could travel with a razor.) It seems Delta really went all out for the ‘commuters’ traveling cross-country. Though I rarely complain about airlines, ask anyone I know (who you might also know, if you know me. If you don’t know me, it’s best you keep questions about me to yourself.) and they’ll tell you Southwest is my airline of choice. No seat assignments, comfortable spacing, and best yet — affordability. However, this time around we opted for Delta. A major provider for mass air transit, well established and the cheapest.
I feel as if I am riding on a Greyhound Bus complete with shotty drop down TVs but with less stench. Which is debatable as my sinuses are completely dried out from being awake at 3:30am.
Update: the stewardess just walked the entire aisle harping “excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.” As a curvy woman myself, I understand sometimes hips don’t lie, however in this instance Ms. Size Two was indicating that elbows should move so she didn’t RAM them with her drink cart. In addition to massive seating space, we also sprung for the wide aisles, eh Delta? I’m glad you gave the 8 people in first class free elbow pads, because you can’t already lay across the aisle up there or anything. Let’s be extra safe with the people that paid a smidge (read: what I cant afford) extra. If I would have known I was hindering the ability to move and risking a broken funny bone, I probably would have upgraded. Lucky for me I am in the coveted middle seat, so the worst that can happen is an elbow to the boob as my fellow travel buddy attempts to dodge a drink cart assault.
Don’t try to blame Boeing on this one. You pay for what you get.
Continuing on, the man, I’ll call him Stewart, since that’s what his hat says, seems to be paired with he woman on his right. Fantastic. Do you think you could sprawl her way a little bit champ? I would like to respond to some work emails; however space-infringement has broken my pervious writers’ block. Stewart has given up on sleeping and is doing...nothing. Unless he is planning on popping out a child anytime soon, I don’t think it’s necessary for him to take up 1.5x the amount of space given to him. The good news is it looks as if he plans on ordering some food, which means he will likely spew crumbs up and over his seat. Sounds impossible, but I wouldn’t put it past him.
This vendetta is beginning to feel personal, no? If I could retaliate by kicking his seat and put stickers on his back without him noticing, only for him to go walking the streets of Philly with “I am inconsiderate” plastered against what I can only imagine is the back of a t-shirt that says “Nascar” on the front, I would. Unfortunately, I can’t move my legs, and I forgot my “Suck It” stickers at home.
I always forget something when I travel.
In other news, the gentleman to my left is very friendly, and my travel-companion, known in prior entries as The Queen of Sportscenter isn’t obsessively explaining the important of Fantasy Football to me. Yet. Since it seems her eyesight is worse than that of a legally blind person, it is safe to say friendly-man and the 6 rows behind me all know that Stewart has a light case of dandruff now.
Sorry bud. What can I say? It’s karma.
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